Boxes of Chocolate
by Nelliezabini4
Summary: One-shot...Harry gets a mysterious box of chocolates and chaos ensues...lots of slash and an illegal use of pick-up lines...draco/harry, slight snape/lucius, slight Dean/Seamus


**YAY! It's taking me forever to update all more stories...but I managed to finally meet my deadline for this... **

**This is a Valentine's Day present dedicated to Natalie (Proudmudblood42) and Sunny...who I love more than I love slash fanfiction... **

**This is a really random one-shot about a very special day at Hogwarts...Harry gets a box of mysterious chocolates and chaos and randomness ensues...**

**DISCLAIMER: saddly I don't own Harry Potter *sigh*...I do however have a box full of yummy chocolates and a guinea pig names Peanut...**

**WARNING: there are overloads of SLASH in this...read with caution...there is also a use of pick-up lines that should be classified as illegal...proceed reading at your own risk...**

**HAPPY READING! :) reviews very very welcome! they'll make me update my other stories quicker... *hint* *hint* :)**

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><p><strong>Boxes of Chocolate<strong>

Harry awoke in the early dawn with a gigantic smile on his face. Now many people would wonder why it is that the Boy-Who-Will-Most-Likely-Die-In-The-Next-chapter would have reason to smile on this sunny morning, and rightly so. Well the reason for Mr. Potter's happiness will not be stated here in this very sentence, so you best read on in order to solve this most intriguing of mysteries.

Mr. Potter decided that he most definitely should not be the only one up on this fine morning, so Mr. Potter woke up his best friend Ron. He did so by dropping a rather large herring on Mr. Weasley's head. Now that Mr. Weasley was up the Ginger took it upon himself to wake up every other boy in the dormitory and soon enough the room was filled with very awake teenage boys who were all just as excited as Harry about this oh so exciting and wonderful of days.

"So, Ron, what'd you get Hermione?" Seamus asked, winking impishly.

Ron reddened slightly and cleared his throat. "Well, um..." he trailed off, not comfortable giving out such personal information.

"I know what he got her!" our boy Harry crowed. "I saw him hiding it under his bed. Of course he got her the normal jewelry and all that, but he also got her a can of whipped cream, a pair of purple sparkly handcuffs, and a gallon of chocolate sauce." Harry finished to the shouts of laughter from the other boys.

"Nice one mate!" Seamus exclaimed, grinning widely.

"Yeah, well what'd you get Dean?" Ron shot back, which quieted Seamus up considerably.

But then the Irishman grinned again and laughed, winking at his boyfriend. "Ah but that would be telling." he said with another roguish grin. Ron threw a pillow at him, which Seamus easily ducked, and the group of boys got ready for the day.

Harry was quite glad that nobody had asked him about his gifts, after all, this year was like any other year where he didn't have anyone to give racy or romantic presents to. For Harry Potter was very much alone in life. Despite this, Harry still felt that somehow this year was going to be different somehow. Perhaps it was because Harry had finally let Collin Creevy get his way and Hogwarts now had an official Harry Potter Fan Club. Or maybe it was because Harry had finally discovered that he had hordes of fangirls who all wanted to have his babies. Either way, Harry was still excited.

The gaggle of teenage boys made their way down to the Great Hall, picking up a few giggle females alone the way, one of which was of course Hermione. Upon arrival the first thing that hit Harry was the sheer amount of pink, purple, and frills that seemed to have attacked the Hall overnight. At first Harry thought that perhaps Professor Lockhart had returned from the dead, but then he noticed Snape's for once washed hair and decided that that was probably not it. The second thing that Harry noticed was that Dumbledore had on a nice pair of Light-Lavender robes that complimented his beard nicely, and the third thing was that there was a man with pretty long blond hair tied back in a pink ribbon currently sitting next to Snape, and, if Harry was not mistaken, seemed to be holding onto the potion master's hand under the table. The fourth thing that Harry noticed was that a pair of silver eyes were staring at him from the Slytherin table and that the owner of the eyes was not wearing the schools uniform, which Harry found rather odd.

After taking in the above information it is probably pointless to say what wonderful day in the wizarding world it was, since I'm sure that you are all very intelligent beings. However, I'm going to tell you anyways just because I want to. It was Valentine's Day. Now you know.

Harry took his seat at the Gryffindor table and smiled happily. He just knew that the day ahead would be filled with chocolate and flowers and chocolate and more chocolate and even more chocolate sent by the fangirls who all wanted to have his babies. Suffice to say, Harry Potter really liked chocolate.

Mr. Potter had just taken the first bite of his Mickey Mouse Waffle when the post arrived, carrying with it multiple packages all brightly wrapped in various shades of a garish pink. A ferocious looking black tawny owl swooped down and sat in front of Harry, carrying with it a heart-shaped package as well as a note. After delivering its items the owl hooted and flew off out of the Great Hall.

Harry opened the letter in anticipation and began to read it.

"Dear Mr. Potter,

We are pleased to inform you that you have

Been excepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardr-"

oopps, wrong letter.

Ehem...

"Dear Mr. Potter,

For many years I have watch you from afar

On this oh so joyous day of love and romance.

We have met, oh yes we have met,

But I fear that all my flirtations have been in vain.

Never a kind word we have exchanged,

Although I do believe that was only due to sexual frustration.

But that is past, and so I must tell you now,

That despite this all I have decided to give myself one chance.

One day to win your heart and soul,

One day to make it mine and mine alone.

Although our differences make us such bitter enemies,

Our love could make us such triumphant friends.

And I always dream that one day,

We will have fun with strawberries and whipped cream.

But hopefully for now chocolate will suffice.

I do know how much you adore it.

Forever and faithfully yours,

Your most faithful servant

P.S. I hope you find the fillings to your liking"

_Well_, Harry thought, _that was quite unusual. I wonder who it could be._ "Who's that from Harry?" Hermione asked, looking over his shoulder at the box of chocolates he had opened moments before.

"I don't know." he replied, showing her the letter. "Although I have a feeling I recognize that handwriting and the tone of voice..." he trailed off as a familiar expression lit up Hermione's face. "You have an idea."

Hermione nodded. "I have an idea."

:::::::::

Draco grinned as he saw the owl bring Harry the box of chocolates and the note he had wrote. Hopefully the Gryffindor would eat the right ones and Draco would get his reward by the end of the day. Draco managed to pry Pansy off of him and motioned Blaise to follow him out of the Great Hall.

"So you did it then?" Blaise asked when they reached the Entrance Hall, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

Draco snorted. "Drop the act Zabini." he growled, making Blaise scowl at him. "Of course I did, I'm not about to let this wonderful opportunity pass me up." he finished with a smirk.

Blaise sneered and pushed off of the wall. "Do you know what'll happen if the chocolates are mixed?" he asked. Draco shrugged. "Of course you don't, and I bet you don't even care." Blaise drawled, cracking a smile. "Potter could go crazy for all we know and all you would care about is getting your revenge." Draco smiled at him.

"You know me too well." Draco said with a sigh. "So what'd you get for Pansy anyways?" he asked with a snort.

"Yeah sorry about what happened earlier, I've been trying to keep her from her latching moods, but..." he trailed off. "I got her a nice electric drill and some chocolate diamonds. They compliment her skin nicely."

"Well," Draco said as they heard the sound of benches being pushed back in the Great Hall, "Time for Step 2." Blaise rolled his eyes with a sneer and nodded, following Draco down to the dungeons.

:::::::::

"Now, now Lucius." Snape said, pushing the blonde off of him. "That'll have to wait for later, I have a class full of sodding Gryffindors and your son to get to."

"Do you have to?" Lucius whined, pouting quite prettily. Snape scowled at him and nodded, which made Lucius pout even more.

"And YOU" Snape reminded him, "need to be getting ready for your joyous class with the flamboyant Hufflepuffles. " Lucius scowled at him but nodded.

"Fine then Sevi-Kins." he said in a sugary sweet voice before quickly turning tail and fleeing to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

"Sevi-Kins." Snape muttered in disguised. "I'll get that pompous little bimbo for that one." he scowled to himself as he trudged to the dungeons. Everything was WAY to pink and frilly for his liking today. And Lucius had even gotten him to wash his hair, making the day even more perfectly horrible.

The Gryffindors and Slytherins all jumped in their seats as Snape banged into the room, muttering darkly about "pink ribbons and glossy blonde hair", whatever that was about. He barked some directions nobody really was listening to and then collapsed into his chair in weariness. Valentine's Day was always most trying for those of a more subtle nature. Or those who just hate pink and overloads of chocolate.

At his table, working with Neville, Harry was minding his own business as usual. "Hey, Harry." Neville asked, while attempting to put the wrong ingredients into their cauldron. Harry quickly grabbed the dried up chrysanthemum from Neville's hand as the boy continued what he was going to say before being so rudely interrupted by the author's narration. "Hey, Harry. I saw you got a huge box of chocolate this morning. Who's it from?"

Harry smiled at Neville as he added some more ingredients to their bubbling concoction. "I don't know, it didn't say." he replied.

"Oh." Neville said, seemingly disappointed. "I thought it was probably from one of your million fangirls wanting to have your first born child." he said wistfully. "Well have you eaten them yet?" Harry shook his head.

"No, I haven't been able to decide which to eat first. It is quite a problem. Plus they didn't come with a guide to tell me what is in which chocolate." he paused for a moment to stir 44 times in a counterclock-clockwise figure-eight motion before continuing. "So what'd you get Luna, Neville?" he asked.

Neville smiled in remembrance and hastily answered, describing in great detail. "Well, I got her a necklace and a flower hair band, a container of lime-green spinach-flavored bubbles, two bracelets covered in four-leaf live clover, a bottle of beetle-juice, and a glass of bubble bath." he said excitedly. Harry nodded to show he was paying attention. Really Harry was TRYING to pay attention to his dorm mate's ramblings, but his attention was stolen by a blonde haired Slytherin who was still not wearing the school's uniform and who seemed to be up to something.

Draco was staring with an intense ferocity at Harry, mentally willing the brunette to eat the chocolate. _GGGGGGAAAAHHHH!_ he thought as Harry looked at him. Draco quickly looked away and got started on Step 2 of his genius plan.

Harry spazzed as a note magically appeared by his hand. "AAAAAAHHHHH! How'd that get there!" Harry yelled.

"Magic, no duh." Neville replied, tossing in the wrong chinchilla parts.

Harry opened up the note sneakily and read:

"Eat the chocolate now, god dammit! Oh, er, I mean...your eyes are like green prairie grass,

And you hair is very very black.

Your backside is even more perfect

And one day i'd like to...

Um...if you would like to see me

At 12 this morning,

Then meet me in the place where all dreams come true.

Please except this rose as a consolation prize.

P.S. AAAAAHHHHH SNAPE IS COMING!"

Harry looked up and scanned the classroom. Nobody seemed to be so suspicious, except the blond Slytherin. _Malfoy_, Harry thought, _we might as well name him now, I do believe they've figured it out by now._ But then again Draco Malfoy always looked suspicious, especially when it came to things having to do with Harry Potter.

Suddenly a bright red rose tied with a black ribbon appeared on the table before Harry. Harry picked it up and seconds later the bell rang. To everyone's surprise Snape leaped from his desk and sprinted out of the classroom before anyone had moved.

:::::::::

Harry stood before the Room of Requirement and waited to be admitted. Yes it was 12 in the morning-er afternoon, or is it morning? Whatever, so of course the place where dreams come true HAD to be the Room of Requirement. Or Disney World...but they don't need to know that.

Harry was thinking about Harry Pottery stuff and was jolted out of his thought by the door of the Room of Requirement opening. Harry walked inside and the door closed behind him, casting him in darkness.

"You haven't eaten the chocolate DAMMIT!" a voice erupted from the darkness. "You do have them with you don't you?"

Harry nodded and extracted the heart shaped box from his pocket. "Yeah I have them." he replied.

"THEN EAT THEM GOD DAMMIT!" the voice shouted. So Harry opened the box, took out a Dark square piece of chocolate, and ate it. It took Harry a moment to figure out that the chocolates had some kind of unidentifiable liquid filling, but by then it was too late. "Argh!" Harry shouted in disgust as a terrible taste filled his mouth. He felt a heat flush through his body, certain parts of his anatomy getting all tingly, so Harry decided to eat another chocolate. This time he decided to go with a white shell that seemed from the outside to have nothing in the inside. When he bit into it, however, Harry found that it was indeed filled with some clear tasteless liquid that was currently running down his throat.

To Harry's horror, the secret figure in the darkness decided at that very moment to make an appearance, showing himself to be none other than Draco Malfoy. But I'd guess you already knew that, right?

"What the fuck Malfoy!" Harry yelled. "What are you doing sending chocolates to a boy!" then Harry clasped his hands over his mouth.

"You're not very bright now are you, Potter. Eating chocolates from someone you didn't know. You're just lucky I didn't poison them." Malfoy drawled with a smirk.

"Of course I'm stupid, god dammit!" Harry yelled. "Now tell me why you're playing this shit!" Harry gasped again, eyes bulging. "I didn't mean to say that!" he gasped. "I wanted to hold my tongue like a cat." again Harry's eyes got even wider after he uttered that phrase.

Malfoy clucked his tongue. "Tut, tut, Potter you really are a stupid one. You ate a brown then a white piece didn't you. Interesting..." he trailed off, "I always wondered what would happen if Veritaserum and Aphrodisiac were mixed.

"Malfoy you little fucker! You're the last one I'd want to bugger!" Harry growled, eyes blazing with anger. "Dang! Why can't I stop rhyming!" he growled. "It's terribly annoying and messing with my timing."

Draco laughed. "You never should have trusted that note, Potter. Especially not after the part about yourself, Strawberries, and whipped cream. I was going to go into detail, you see, but then I thought that Saint Potter would be too innocent for words such as those." he said with a leer. This got Harry's interest.

"What were you going to say?" he asked. "You can't just mention it then let it go away."

Draco snickered and leaned against the closest wall, looking over Harry with half-hooded eyes. "Well you see I was going to say that I was going to take the whipped cream and..." he whispered in Harry's ear, whatever he said making Harry's jaw drop. "and then I'd take the strawberries and..." whatever he said made Harry's eyes grow wide. "And then I'd lick it inch by inch off of you." Draco finished with a leer, Harry's breath now quite erotic. This was obviously a side effect of the drugged chocolate.

"Oh my god..." Harry whispered. "I thought I was straight, then I met you." his eyes were wide, making Draco fall on the floor laughing.

"What potter?" he asked, clutching his sides as he rolled around on the floor. "Wait." suddenly he stopped laughing. "You weren't rhyming!" he gasped. Harry paused for a few moments, grinning.

"Looks like your potions weren't good after all." he laughed. "looks like you're gonna need a better mating call." Harry groaned as he realized he rhymed again. "SHIT!"

"Language, Potter." Draco drawled. "The only time you can talk dirty is when you're alone with me." he leered at Harry.

"HELP I'M CHOKING!" Harry suddenly yelled. "I NEED MOUTH TO MOUTH QUICK!"

Draco cocked an eyebrow at him. "You look fine." Harry just shrugged, not really knowing why in the world he had said that.

"I'm going outside to make out, care to join me?" Harry finally replied. He clapped his hands over his mouth yet again, eyes widening. He DEFINATELY had not meant to say that. He had meant to say, "You're a delusional scrawny ferret." but it just wouldn't come out.

"Wait." Draco said with a smirk. "Are those pick-up lines?"

"Shall we talk? Or continue flirting at a distance." was Harry's reply. Of course he had meant to say, "oh course not you pompous prat!", but obviously that sentence wasn't happening any time soon.

"I see..." Draco trailed off with a sneer and a glint in his eye. He snapped his fingers and the candles around the room lit. To Harry's surprise they were in quite a large room that contained nothing but a bed draped in white and silver, what appeared to be a bathtub sunk into the floor, and a random coffee table. Harry cocked an eyebrow in confusion, not daring to speak for fear of what might come out. Draco shrugged. "I dunno, I mean, I GUESS it IS Valentine's Day after all."

Harry nodded, then opened his mouth to speak. "These chocolates really are quite a delight. You must eat one to see I'm not in a plight." he said, wincing mentally. Even in a drugged state he wasn't the best of rhymers.

Draco looked at the box as if deciding if Harry was playing a trick on him or not. He nodded absentmindedly and considered which to choose. "You did fill them yourself, correct? If so you should know which ones to reject." Harry stated, smiling as he saw the flicker of fear on Draco's face. If Harry was correct then Draco had absolutely no idea what was in any of the chocolates, but by now there was no turning back.

"No." Draco drawled with a small gulp. "I had Blaise fill them. A few with aphrodisiac, a few with Veritaserum, and the rest with whatever the hell he wanted. I just hope he knew I meant fruit or chocolate fillings..." Draco trailed off. He picked up a small rosebud-shaped milk chocolate and sniffed it. "Hmmmm, it doesn't seem too dangerous. Smells of raspberry, chocolate, and..." he inhaled deeply, "whipped cream." then he popped the whole entire thing in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed.

Harry was looking at him funnily. "What?" Draco asked in exasperation.

"Well it's just that I smelled that exact piece earlier. I thought it smelled like hair-gell, raspberries, bubble bath, and a flower carrier." Harry replied, a slight smirk dancing across his face.

"Oh god." Draco muttered, looking horrified. Harry just grinned at him like Christmas had come early and he had been elected awesomest person ever to live.

"You've been a bad boy, Malfoy, go to my room." Harry said, still grinning, although now it was more of a cringe.

"What sort of person are you looking for, Potter?" Draco asked, making Harry look at him in confusion. "Wait, don't tell me: medium height, well defined torso, blonde hair, grey eyes, best body you've ever laid eyes on." Draco looked at Harry with horror in his eyes, who looked back at the grey eyes in shock. This WAS NOT happening! But yes, dear readers, this most definitely WAS happening.

Harry thought for a moment trying to figure out how to respond. He decided with, "You are a fucking moron, Malfoy, but you're really damn lucky you look so hot I could jump you right here, so I won't hex you into all oblivion." Harry took a deep breath and said. "What would you like Malfoy? coffee? Tea? Me?"

Draco's eyes stared at him, filled with something Harry had never seen there before. "Potter." he warned. "Potter I think I'm..." He paused, taking deep breathes, his eyes now half-hooded. "Harry I think I'm going to..."

Harry never got to hear the end of that sentence because suddenly he found himself attached to an armful of blonde, who seemed to be intent on snogging the living daylights out of him. And of course, in his highly drugged state (he had stupidly eaten another three chocolates since he entered the room), Harry really didn't mind this at all.

Still not breaking apart, the two teens slowly made their way over to the bed, which was conveniently only like two feet from them. Harry pushed Draco down on the bed beneath him and the blonde moaned into his mouth at their bodies lined up with each other.

Quickly shirts were discarded and hair was fairly messed up. The two highly drugged boys found heaven in each other's mouths. And that is where we shall leave them for their current activity is highly...private...but not as private as they thought it was even though they locked the author out of the room.

:::::::::

Outside in the corridor a blonde man stood next to a very dark haired man. Both had been partaking in a rather enjoyable time with the other when they had rounded a bend and heard quite disturbing noises coming from the wall that they now faced. Snape furrowed his brow, listening, while Lucius sneakily tried to place his hand in Snape's.

Both men jumped and looked at each other in horror as the moans, groans, and swears turned into very loud shouts of "Oh god, POTTER!" and "Merlin, DRACO!". Both of the former Slytherins took off running down the hall. They finally stopped running when they were at the opposite end of the school, and when Lucius had dragged Snape into an abandoned classroom and locked the door.

:::::::::

In the Gryffindor Common Room Hermione and Ron sat snuggling in front of the fire. "Hermione can't we-" Ron said sleepily.

"No." Hermione said sternly before kissing him gently. "You KNOW Dean and Seamus are up there. You don't REALLY want to interrupt them do you?" she asked.

Ron shook his head, burying it in her hair. "They're WAY too loud and I really don't want to know what they're doing with whatever it is Seamus got them." he mumbled.

"Exactly." Hermione said with a sigh. "Where do you think Harry went off to?"

Ron shrugged, biting into another one of the truffles Hermione had gotten him. "He's probably searching for that mystery sender of chocolates of his, or he's crying alone in a dark and shadowing corner." he said.

"OR," Hermione added with a smile. "He's already found the mystery sender and he's snogging the daylights out of her."

"That too." Ron said sheepishly. "So Hermione can we..."

:::::::::

"Gosh Dean you are SO good at that." Seamus said breathlessly. Dean grinned up at the Irishman and licked his licks seductively.

They continued their activities and soon the room was filled with many moans and groans. Yes, they were playing scrabble. Just kidding, but you can probably figure it out. I still have great faith in you thinking abilities.

"Oh god Seamus, yes!"

"You're amazing Dean!"

"Don't stop, don't stop!"

"I'll get you cherries next year I promise!"

"You're fucking gorgeous!"

"YES!"

:::::::::

Harry awoke in the early morning to find sunlight streaming through the silvery curtains drawn around the bed and across his face. He lay for a moment, staring happily up at the hangings. That was a wonderful dream. _Thank god that was just a dream_, he thought.

Harry shifted slowly, he was kinda sore, and places that had never hurt before hurt. He closed his eyes remembering what had happened in his dream. At least it WAS just a dream; he would never be able to face the school if it somehow got out that he had spent Valentine's night with Draco-sodding-ferret-boy-Malfoy.

Stretching, Harry rolled over onto his side...and almost screamed when he saw the head of bleach-blonde hair next to his. Then he saw the box of chocolates.

_CRAP!_

-the end-


End file.
